This joy ride is not going to end well.
It’s been this way for a while now. You quietly sitting in the back, ‘it’ in the front seat, carelessly driving, leading the way. It’s speeding and it’s terrifying and you have absolutely no control over it. Or so you have thought for a long time now. You’ve learnt that this is just the way it is. It has the keys. Meanwhile you’re in the back seat painting a picture of a fairytale … a perfect vision of how you always dreamed your life would look… but somewhere along the line you got lost.
Let’s entertain ourselves for a moment. What if I told you it doesn’t have to be this way.
You slide your way into the passenger seat. It’s bright up here. The joy ride is getting a bit scary now, and you’re becoming increasingly aware this isn’t going to end well unless you do something about it. You muster up all your courage and say, “You’re a very good driver, but how about we stop here for a second, to admire this beautiful view of the valley?”
Your heart is hammering, and you’re gripping onto the roof bar with a sweaty hand as the car swerves to the side and jolts to a stop. You get out, your legs are shaky. You walk around to the driver seat, and you can see It clearly now.
My god, you’re ugly.
For you, this could be any number of things, but it makes you feel beyond powerless. A soul-draining job, a toxic partner. It could be a huge bar of chocolate or a gambling addiction.
For me , it was alcohol.
But my God, you’re so ugly. I’ve never looked you in the face before, I’ve been to busy hiding in the backseat, letting you run the show.
You lean in through the window, and pull the keys out of the ignition. You turn on your heel, and as you let out the biggest roar of your life you hurl those mother f*cking keys as far into the open valley as your weak arms will allow. You muster ever single atom of strength within your being. You scream, LOUD for all the times IT made you look small, made you look f*cking stupid, made you feel powerless, for all the times IT had control over you. For all the times it leaned back and laughed at you, said you weren’t good enough.
“You’ve been a very good driver. But it’s time for you to get out of the car now.”
You pull the painting out of the back seat, and sit in on the passenger seat next to you. You lovingly pull the belt over, and click it in safe. “Let’s go” You whisper, and a tear falls down your cheek.
As you drive away, the wheel under your hands feels smooth, and good. You feel strong. You glance in the rearview mirror and you see It standing there at the edge of the valley, disappearing behind a cloud of dust. You smirk. You never have to see that f*cking thing again.
You turn up the volume, it’s only your god damn favourite song.